Scarce weekends

So, today (which is "kyo" in Japanese!) I listed all of the weekends between now and the end of July. And then I filled in all the 'life' stuff I need to do - mostly wedding related things, as what feels like thousands of my best friends get hitched and I need to be available for hen's nights, engagement parties, pre-wedding parties, actual ceremonies - and band stuff, including a long overdue recording session (Did I mention that we were in a band comp and have won all our heats and are now in the final? Well we are. It's a bit rad. The final is Tuesday week and if we win it we get a 5-day studio recording package. But I digress). The point is, empty weekends are like opportunities to eat cheesecake. Infrequent but blissful. Especially if the base is all crumbly. Mmmmmmm. Crumbly cheesecake base. Keeki-o kudesai? (Japanese: Can I have cake please?)

I then looked at all the challenges yet to achieve, and the time frames needed for some of them. It's a tiiiiiny bit nerve wracking, but mostly I'm still wrapped up in a sense of guileless positivity about their completion. Call it denial, whatever it is, it's working for me.

Sorry I haven't posted about Tasmania yet, but I've been applying for jobs and stressing about various other things and also am lazy and haven't got around to it. Y'know. But the short story is that I jumped in a lagoon. I'll tell you about it some time.

Meanwhile I've switched meditation audio and now a lovely Scottish gentleman named Andrew Johnson guides me. His accent is wonderful.

Perspective

I am getting better at meditating without distraction in loud or busy spaces, although I am also finding my tea is usually cold by the time I’m back in the land of the conscious. Mindful meditation is what I’m mainly focussing on now. I have been too lazy to charge my iPod shuffle for, oh, over a month now, so I’ve not been listening to my audio in that time.

The weekend had a lot of unpleasantness in it so I will focus on the blessings instead: the coming together of friends, the rare spotting of a giant wombat foraging for food, and the serenity of quiet contemplation at the platypus pools (albeit without seeing any actual platypuses, but a relaxing endeavour nonetheless).

I’ve decided to focus on the challenges that don’t involve any costs until my karma balances out and I can justify paying for silliness again. This firstly means recharging the iPod so I can upload some Learn-Japanese CDs onto it. I figure if the weather is bad and I can’t cycle to work, I can at least spend 40 minutes each day listening to a recording of someone speaking gibberish and then asking me to repeat them until something sticks. If nothing else it might get someone to finally laugh at me on the train.

Music has also become a core default setting in my brain, which is a surprising return after many years of my songwriting habits de-evolving. In anguished moments I find myself thinking it would be nice to just have a few hours with a guitar, or space to sing. Maybe that’s just a reaction to not having had a band rehearsal or gig for a couple of weeks, but this in itself is noteworthy as usually having so much band stuff on can be quite draining. Maybe it’s the subconscious urgency of having to write 19 more songs before next July. Maybe it’s the realisation that singing other people’s songs is rather enjoyable. Let’s also not forget that half-decent busking might actually make me money, a very rousing prospect.

I also just made an appointment to give blood for the first time, so that puts some things in perspective and makes me feel a little better about things in general.

Two more sleeps til the big ride...

I think I forgot to mention, I went to a cycle class with Scobie last week. I thought it would kill me, but we actually enjoyed ourselves! It was hard work, but was more a practice in controlling my head than my legs, who I think could have worked harder (but don’t tell the trainer that). It was reassuring in a couple of ways – this was not so much a Spin class as an Interval Training class. I realised that it worked out to be kind of like my regular street ride: a few tough hills, some ‘recovery’ stretches of road. The need to recover is so integral to me making it through any length of ride, it was nice to know that this is normal. I just hope there are enough of them. The trainer also mentioned “this is supposed to be a workout for your legs, not your arms!”, something I could definitely relate to and why I think having gloves is so awesome. So even though my head almost exploded, the class was pretty good. We had planned to attend another class this week, but then Scobie fell over and twisted her ankle and apparently wasn’t even drunk. Pffft…

All the radio stuff got me quite buzzy yesterday, and has definitely buoyed me to feel a huge enthusiasm towards the ride. I’m mostly putting this down to blissful ignorance and plan to utilise this complete lack of common sense for as long as possible. Loftus Oval, at least.

Keeping things interesting

Nothing much to report these last two days, except that I tried to get in touch with Father Kevin BC again, had a good chat to Carly-le about the bike ride which left me feeling a little lighter about the situation, and sang nicely at gospel rehearsal. Annoyingly one of our best gigs got cancelled.

A cancelled rehearsal left a beautifully open night, which was then immediately filled by the prospect of dinner with some friends it felt like we hadn’t seen for a decade. Sleep is a nice option too, but who can possibly pass up a chance to say hello to this little face?

Hi Baotze!

I’m going for a spin class with Scobie on Saturday morning, so, I may or may not regret that later. They’ve called it “Cycle class” to make it appear less terrifying but they can’t fool me. If that doesn’t strike me down with a migraine then we have 30th Birthday No. 1 Saturday afternoon, picnic style in the sun, and then later in the evening we move onto 30th Birthday No. 2 which is swanky dinner stylee and I will probably even wear a skirt, amazing. Then on Sunday we’re back at Day Job Studios to play with Bam— I mean, record some exquisite music with Briscoe. You know, just a regular weekend really.

And a gig at the Bald Faced Stag in Leichhardt tonight, for anyone so inclined…

Be positive

I have a new boss, and she has moved into what used to be my ‘meditation room’ and now I’m feeling a little bit lost. More lost than I should rightly feel. Maybe this meditation malarkey has been having more effect than I give it credit for. I meditated at home yesterday instead, but the juju was all wrong. I could use the first aid room but you never know when somebody might come bursting in with a violent head wound and need the space to bleed everywhere, so I’m reluctant to take up that option.

Feeling defeated about the fundraising ball again. What else is new.

I am still sans 7 challenges and I am wondering what to do about this. I have faith that I may still receive a couple more but others I am not so sure about. And some people I wonder why I continue putting energy into them. I actually changed my mind at the last minute about one of the recipients, adding somebody who should have been on the list from the beginning and for some stupid reason wasn’t there, and taking off somebody who I realised was a complete waste of my time, as usual. I get tired thinking about such things very quickly. To be very curt about it, I did a ‘cull’ of such people in my life a few years ago, and I haven’t regretted it. Sometimes you’ve got to know when to let go, you know? But then I think: there is reward in savouring friendships. Most people mean well. It’s about finding a balance.

Originally when people asked what would happen if I found myself in this situation (not having all challenges returned), I was steadfast: their loss, and more time for me to concentrate on the ones that did arrive. I’m wondering now if there is room for 7 more of them, and there probably isn’t. But that in itself was part of the challenge, right?

Here’s what I’m going to do. Any outstanding postcards on 22nd October 2010 – that’s 3 months after the project started – will have their Challenger Rights forfeited. Maybe I’ll then choose to challenge myself in place of the missing ones. I already have some ideas. They won’t be too difficult or time consuming, more like new year’s resolutions (and probably taken with as much salt, so there is also no pressure to finish them in the same way as the others). Like, I’ve been thinking for a long time, I should really give blood. My blood type is B+. Be positive! How can I not share blood that life affirming!

Anyway, I’ll deal with that in November. I have a lot to do before then.

PS. We finally have a government again! About fricking time! Lead well, Julia... lead well.

The random pursuit of happiness

Somebody posted a link on Facebook yesterday which was a survey that a friend of theirs had put together for their psychology degree. It was trying to gauge the effect of Facebook use on our general psychological well being. Being a sucker for a good quiz and also underwhelmed with my work situation at the moment, I took 10 minutes out of my day to fill it in. By the time I got to the end of it, I realised: this is probably the happiest I've ever been in my life. Frankly I don't think Facebook has had much to do with it, but it was a lovely realisation nevertheless. I mean, I knew I was contented, but considering how messy my emotions have known to be in the past, this is not only reassuring but inspiring - knowing I've followed my heart and head in the correct measures, and ended up here. Life is good, and beautiful, and real.

My large and vibrant circle of friends are a big part of this. Last night I had 2 separate friends sell the virtues of 2 of my other friends; each one proclaiming "how great is So-and-So! She's so wonderful!" and each time I've said "I know! Isn't she just?" and my heart is warmed. Not only because it's cute to see my friends meet and get on so well, but because it is such a direct way of reinforcing how freaking brilliant they all are. So much so, that they are instantly taken with each other. I just love it.

They treat me pretty well, too. While I am not a nervous performer, I do have hella anxiety about certain exterior things, such as "marketing" and "how I should look" (something I deal with by ignoring it completely). The fact my friends are there supporting our humble little band is amazing in itself, and we do really appreciate the after-show banter when they go on about how great we sounded or how we looked like we were having so much fun. But somebody said a strange thing to me last night. She said: "You looked exactly the way you were supposed to look." Me, in my scruffy jeans, dirty cons and lovely old scarf, not feeling beautiful in the slightest, but still apparently looking the part, and being myself.

I'm a very, very lucky person.

I know this post has nothing really to do with the project, but I just thought it would be nice to remember. These are the people who are going to lead me for the next 12 months, and I have every faith in them.