Flaming Lips = good for mental health

It feels different, being off on a weekday. I don't have the overwhelming desire to stab anyone, I can't feel the horrible sensation of my soul leaking out, I don't even need to discretely flee into the bathroom and sob! It's awesome!

Needless to say I have not achieved much today, although I did watch Yo Gabba Gabba and see Wayne Coyne wearing 2 hats at the same time. I have done some noodling on the guitar, but sadly my crowning achievement there was discovering that "I'm Never As Tired As When I'm Waking Up" by LCD Soundsystem has the same chorus chords as "Live In Sunshine" by The Rapture. I wonder if James has ever noticed this.

Choir was enjoyable yesterday as we got to sing inside the church rather than in the little hall off the side of it. The resonance seemingly made the group a bit nervous. We got used to it. I am coming to realise what a funny thing rhythm is, and how not everybody naturally has it (even people who can sing beautifully). Being inside a church again was an experience in itself. I wonder if Cadbury is aware that Advent had this purple business sorted out long before they copywrited it.

In short: I'm not making any progress, but at least I'm a little less insane.

Ouch.

I reeeeally don’t want to go to choir today. It’s one of those things. Like your kid begs you to let him start taking karate lessons, and then three weeks later he’s complaining that he doesn’t want to go, and you force him to go, and he has a great time because he kicked Freddie in the face.

Anyway, I’ve not been for 2 weeks because I was ill the first time, and the choir leader was ill the second time, so I feel kinda rusty and insecure and apprehensive about it again. I know it’ll be fine once I get there. But you know how it is. It’s a dreary, woeful Tuesday and the rain is just waiting to pounce and cling to the bottom of my scuffed trouser legs. I hit my head on a cupboard today which was a fabulous highlight, and I’m not even going to begin to tell you what is happening within the walls of my workplace, except that it smells like despair and feels like wearing a coat made of syrup (sans pancakes).

I’m taking tomorrow off in an attempt to regain my composure (read: sanity). My plans thus far are to have an exceedingly long bath, write a bunch of cover letters, cook some dinner for my long suffering husband, and play lots and lots of music. I have a busking catalogue to refine, four songs to write, and Briscoe things to find my place among. I have a feeling that one day isn’t going to be enough, but I’ll take what I can get.

Summary - End of Month Four

#1 – The Fundraising Ball. *facepalm*
#2 – The Other Fundraiser. *see above*
#3 – Laughing Strangers. 16 weeks, 4 laughs. Many more moments of humiliation.
#4 – i. Mediation. It’s weird – I find that I accidentally stop doing this when I get stressed, which is probably the opposite of what I should be doing.
ii. Song Per Month. 4 months, 3 songs. Sorry. I will have to do some catching up with the posting of them too.
iv. 26km Coast Track. Provided the weather is good, we’re planning to do this the last weekend in January.
#5 – Songs About Challenges. 4 months, 3 songs. Sorry.
#6 – Bathurst. No progress.
#7 – Gospel. COMPLETE – a couple of public performances coming up in December.
#8 – Children’s Hospital. Still haven’t learnt any kids songs.
#9 – Harbour Walks. Hoping to find time to knock out a lot of this over Christmas, if the weather is bearable.
#10 – Driving. Wasting all of our savings on Crunk has put me off wanting to drive for a long time. I’m not getting in the driver’s seat until he earns my trust, which could take some time.
#11 – Tasmania. February.
#12 – Scrapbooking. Oh yeah. I forgot about this one.
#13 – Cooking. I have been cooking! So I don’t suck after all.
#14 – TV. Nae joy.
#15 – Horseriding. The lack of horseriding is Crunk’s fault. Now we can’t afford it for a little while.
#16 – Sydney to Gong. COMPLETE – amazing.
#17 – Reunion Dinner. I’ve not heard back from Father BC. I think he’s scared.
#18 – Breakdancing. *tumbleweed*
#19 – The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter. COMPLETE
#20 – Yeats. I thought about making a long legged fly out of cardboard. It lasted about 2 minutes.
#21 – Youtube. I think about this all the time, I just never get it done.
#22 – Busking. I think I’m almost ready for this.
#23 – Cliff. I guess this will happen in January at the same time as the Coast Track walk.
#24 – Protest Song. Googled some other protest songs. Most of them suck. Am determined to do better than them.
#25 – See Challenge 4.ii
#26 – See Challenge 4.iii
#27 – Blood. Scheduled for December.
#28 – Japanese. Watashi wa Pask Dee des.
#29 – Parents. This is a job for Christmas.

I’m listening to the LCD Soundsystem London sessions, Sufjan Stevens’ new record The Age of Adz, and new Briscoe demos, in one huge constant loop. It’s getting me by.

Intermission

I feel bad for not blogging for, like, a week. I feel bad about a lot of things actually – not achieving more in general, not making more of an effort to apply for jobs so that I feel less bad (vicious circle), not doing enough around the house, not finding time to write songs, spending money on a berry and white chocolate muffin even though my bike just broke and I had to wheel it home from Stanmore and then catch the train into work instead.

Anyway. I will try and do the summary that was due 2 days ago, but I have a feeling I’m not going to like the outcome (or lack of outcomes) very much. Sorry to sound a bit down but I figured it was better than saying nothing. I don’t want you to think I’ve forgotten you.

PS. Apparently I twitter now. I know. Disgusting isn’t it. But follow me if you’ve got nothing better to do.

I'm learning Japanese I think I'm learning Japanese I really think so

I've almost listened to two whole Instant Immersion! Japanese language tuition discs. All I have retained so far is that 'dozo' means 'please' and 'ginkou' means 'bank'. The rest of it has mostly been a lady speaking incredibly fast and then asking me to repeat her, which is the part where I gaze blankly into the middle distance while my brain makes fart noises under its armpit*. I can see that continual listening will eventually help this stuff sink in, and I guess I am getting used to the sounds, but it is already a bit frustrating. The structure of the recordings themselves is odd. It gives you the Japanese phrase twice, and then you get the translation. The first disc, which mostly covers basic sounds, seems to have no real organisational flow and certainly no context between one phrase at the next – I was amused to learn** the word ‘cockroach’ and then have it followed immediately by ‘that was a delicious meal’. I can’t help but feel ever so slightly concerned that it may be one of those Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook situations, like I’m innocently trying to master a sentence, only to then be instructed that it means ‘Drop your panties Sir William - I cannot wait til lunchtime’ and find a busload of Japanese tourists giggling at me in delight. That would be interesting.

*Yes, my brain has armpits. Didn't you ever do Biology? Geez.
**Of course I say 'learn', but what I really mean is 'was told but instantly forgot'.

Perspective

I am getting better at meditating without distraction in loud or busy spaces, although I am also finding my tea is usually cold by the time I’m back in the land of the conscious. Mindful meditation is what I’m mainly focussing on now. I have been too lazy to charge my iPod shuffle for, oh, over a month now, so I’ve not been listening to my audio in that time.

The weekend had a lot of unpleasantness in it so I will focus on the blessings instead: the coming together of friends, the rare spotting of a giant wombat foraging for food, and the serenity of quiet contemplation at the platypus pools (albeit without seeing any actual platypuses, but a relaxing endeavour nonetheless).

I’ve decided to focus on the challenges that don’t involve any costs until my karma balances out and I can justify paying for silliness again. This firstly means recharging the iPod so I can upload some Learn-Japanese CDs onto it. I figure if the weather is bad and I can’t cycle to work, I can at least spend 40 minutes each day listening to a recording of someone speaking gibberish and then asking me to repeat them until something sticks. If nothing else it might get someone to finally laugh at me on the train.

Music has also become a core default setting in my brain, which is a surprising return after many years of my songwriting habits de-evolving. In anguished moments I find myself thinking it would be nice to just have a few hours with a guitar, or space to sing. Maybe that’s just a reaction to not having had a band rehearsal or gig for a couple of weeks, but this in itself is noteworthy as usually having so much band stuff on can be quite draining. Maybe it’s the subconscious urgency of having to write 19 more songs before next July. Maybe it’s the realisation that singing other people’s songs is rather enjoyable. Let’s also not forget that half-decent busking might actually make me money, a very rousing prospect.

I also just made an appointment to give blood for the first time, so that puts some things in perspective and makes me feel a little better about things in general.

Gong ride wrap up

Here's a copy of the radio interview I did with Alex Sloan on 666 Mornings ABC Local Radio in Canberra. It really just emphasized to me all the things I haven't actually completed yet, but it was fun anyway.

ABC Alex Sloan interview with all before thirty by duskerdee

Also, our official photos from the Gong ride are up... if anyone is interested you can search for 'Pask' and 'Hollier' under '7 Nov Gong Ride' here.