We interrupt this transmission for a rant

Confession: I'm miserable.

It's a dreary, rainy Tuesday. I did not want to get out of bed, but not in the "I'm cozy and don't want to move" way. More in the "if I drag myself into work today, my soul may just crumble" kind of way. I did it anyway, and trudged through the drizzle in my so-called water-resistant hoodie, clutching at a paper bag with a blueberry muffin in with my left hand, my right sock sliding shamefully and awkwardly into my boot. As usual, one of my team members is not in, leaving me to carry their load as well as my own. It's embarrassing. I think my soul crumbled somewhere around 9.53am.

What I needed this year was a stable, reliable job. I've been in my current place of employment for around 2 years now and you know what? I discovered I was good at it. I was enjoying it. The people are great. I felt confident about everything I was doing. I was relieved to be doing something that didn't absorb my out-of-work hours the way my old music industry ones used to. And now? I can't remember the last time I was so weighed down by this kind of sadness over a job. I hate feeling like this.

I was looking forward to getting a foot up in the company, hopefully making a bit more money (we certainly need it), and still having plenty of time to work on the wonders of self-enlightenment in my 30th year. We're planning a month-long trip back to the UK next year, after it's over, which I am already bristling with excitement about. I need to earn time off for my band, and for mini-trips (such as Kat's Tasmania challenge). I am now used to having a stable 9-5 job, something I'd never really had before. Having taken the "do what you love" route and finding it drains the passion rather than fuels it, I have never taken this situation for granted. I want it to stay the same. The last thing I want right now is a complication. I want to like my job again.

I've still not managed to make anybody laugh, but that's because all I want to do all the time is cry. Fortunately, I have the loveliest husband ever who just happens to work two blocks away, and is kind enough to trek through the rain to bring me Indian food on such occasions. Thank you, B-Dawg.